“Krista’s Torture Chamber”

This week I started my “Beast” challenge group. I feel like I was conducting an orchestra in order to make it happen. Alas, the stars aligned: one kid in school, one in preschool for 2 hours, and a heavenly saint of a friend willing to watch the baby who would likely scream the whole time…she did.

On Sunday we had an introduction to meet the trainers, take “before” photos and measurements, and talk about nutrition. I fancy myself a pretty educated momma, I took a university class on nutrition, I can “math the shit out of those numbers” and totally understand macros, g, kg, kcal….if energy burned is greater than energy ingested, you lose weight. Simple as that. But, wow, did I need those reminders. WTF are you putting in your body? And why?

It is amazing the eye opener you get by just simply tracking your food. I eat pretty good, but way too big of portions with certain things. 6 almonds, that’s a serving? 6! Not to mention I had slowly allowed a lot of added sugar to creep into my diet (ah hem….double double coffee creamer??). So, one of the biggest first steps was tracking my food intake on MyFitnessPal, and paying attention to my macros (Protein 136g, Carbs 180 g, and Fat 59g, 1800 cal/day). I am exclusively breastfeeding so have a slightly higher calorie requirement. Yeah, remember when I said “F-you” to those saying “Just breast feed and the weight will slide right off!”. Apparently my daily ingestion of coffee creamer, peanut butter, and kids’ leftovers negated that effect. Noted.

So, food prep, eating, and documenting has pretty much become a full time job around these parts. My kids even ate “cottage cheese pancakes” this morning. Covered in syrup, everything tastes good! Smoothies for lunch, and plain air-popped popcorn for snack. Dieting…I mean, lifestyle changes…are a family affair! 🙂 So far, so good! (Full disclosure: we made Easter treats for their classes tonight. I didn’t even eat one…but I did lick the spoon!).

Monday morning I had my first work out. I had so much anxiety between the workout itself, and leaving the screamer with my friend, that I was so nauseous. I felt like I had eaten a rock and couldn’t fathom eating a pre-work out carb snack. I didn’t know what to wear. I didn’t want to be the “biggest girl there” and I was already assuming I would be the most out of shape!  I was scared.

“Krista’s Torture Chamber”, a sign inside read. Perfect.

The challenge group in my time slot is a mix of mostly women who had completed the program before. But, there is another woman just starting that I feel is at a similar level as me. This made me feel better…even though I know it shouldn’t. Me against Me…but moral support is also nice!

I worked out. During the warm up, I started to get lost in my head space. A familiar dialogue spinning in my mind: “What am I doing? I can’t do this. This is way too hard. I look like an idiot.” But then the warm up ended. I had similar thoughts through the remaining intervals but kept reminding myself: “You have to start somewhere. No matter how bad you are at this, it is better than sitting unhappily on the couch. You can only get better! You can do anything for 40 seconds (or 40 minutes!)”.

And then, it was over. I survived! My “bad back” was sore, but not overly so. My feet hurt for some reason. My arms and legs felt like jello. But, I did it. It felt good, and I can do it again!

Was it the best work out? Probably not. But it was certainly better than sitting on the couch. I can only get better from here!

And the baby? I’m sure she screamed the whole time,  but my beautiful friend said “She had a couple tears, but it wasn’t so bad!”. Find your village ladies, they are worth their weight in gold!  I could not, at all, do this journey alone. Find your people.



2 thoughts on ““Krista’s Torture Chamber”

  1. You are an amazing mother and fantastic person. Stepping out of your comfort zone is not easy, but you did it. All of the unknowns and firsts are done. It doesn’t matter if it was the best or worst workout ever. What matters is that you have started towards your goal. If you miss a day for some reason just start again tomorrow.

    You can do this 🌷🏋🏻‍♀️ Congratulations……be super proud of yourself! 😊


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